Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I guess I made a funny face?

I haven't been able to write for a while, but I went to visit Timmy on Sunday, and he did something for me :) Recently he has been following some commands such as blinking once when we ask him to. I was doing the blinking with him, and I have only seen him go up to 3 times, so I decided to try 4 times...well according to my mom I did a priceless face when Timmy blinked 4 times perfectly fine, and then he laughed at me! I guess I did a funny face huh? He had laughed at me earlier in the day, but this time was like he thought it was really funny that I was so shocked. It made me so happy to see him do that for me when he was feeling sick. He has a fever, but he didn't seem too sick when I was there. I miss him everyday, but moments like that (when he laughed at me) let me know that he is still my brother Timmy that I have always known and loved. Keep the prayers coming, they seem to be working :) Thank you to everyone who already does pray for Timmy and our family. God Bless.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

I'm A Bit Down Today

Well, today has not been a good day for me. I have been depressed and crying for about four hours now. I can't even explain the way i am feeling, and what triggered it. I think that I have been handling this pretty damn well for someone who has a brother that is here, but not really here. Everytime someone complains about something to me I just want to say "Screw you, why are you laying your problems on me? My brother is fighting to just be able to breath through his mouth, and here you are healthy as a horse using your life to complain." I don't say it, but I wish I would sometimes.
I feel like a crappy sister at this point. I haven't gone to see Timmy for over a week, and I have no reason really. I miss him so much, and I want him back, the same Timmy. My brother who laughs with me, and jokes with me. The one who is always here for me to say the things that can get me through the day. It's just not fair. I know I shouldn't be angry with God, but I don't see how I can't be at this point. Timmy is so loving, and kind, he never hurt anyone. Yet, he is the one who gets this life now? What a joke.
Most days I don't see the point in getting up. I know some people think it's stupid, i mean I KNOW Crystal lost her husband, but i lost my brother. I guess we didn't lose him lose him, he is still here, but we lost the Timmy we all knew and loved. It's not fair. I would take his place any day of the week, I always tell him that if I could donate my brain to him, I would.
I don't really have a point to this blog, mostly i was just thinking about life and decided to let it all out. I hate most things these days. I love Timmy though. I hope is keeps improving, I want to see him. I miss him. I miss his smile, and laugh. The way I buckled him and he Yeah, I like to live through the wonderful times I have had with him, and pray that there will be more. Thanks for letting me rant to you..

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I went to visit today

I went to go see Timmy today, for the first time in 2 weeks. He was in his new room, and it was very comfortable. The Giant's game was on when we got there and Timmy was snoozing. I walked in and I said "Okay Timmy I'm here so wake up, I haven't seen you for weeks!" He immediately opened his eyes and looked at me, he looked like he was concentrating really hard, like he was trying to remember who I was. It kind of hurt to have him look at me like that, like I don't come see him enough for him to remember his sister. Me and Timmy have always been so close, and all we ever did was laugh when we were together, even when I moved in with him 4 months before his accident. I tried to make him laugh like everyone says that he has been doing, but I don't think he was in the mood, he did a little snicker, but it didn't make him smile. I want to go see him by myself to try to make him laugh, I feel too weird being goofy in front of people, I don't know why, even if it is my mom. He seemed really stiff on his right side, so I tried to rub his shoulder to see if he had any kinks, he did. I rubbed his right arm and shoulder until it was finally relaxed, I felt so proud that I made him feel better, you could tell it made him feel better.
I think about it now, and it was silly of me to think that Timmy didn't recognize me, I think he was just trying to figure out why he doesn't see me as much as he used to. That's my fault, I should go see him more, and I plan to now. He is rewiring he brain, and it will take a while to do, but if anyone can do it, it's my big brother. I miss him every second of every day, and I am so happy to see him progressing like he is.
Also, my mom's friend, Pam, who knows Dr. Harper (the surgean who operated on Timmy the night of the accident) talked to him recently and Dr. Harper was very excited to see the picture that I posted in my last posting. He said that he wants to keep getting updates on his PROGRESS, which means, to us, that he can see that Timmy is progressing further than he thought he would in the beginning. I can't even begin the describe how much that means to me, this man saved Timmy's life, and he always is so kind when he is talked to about Timmy. He always answered our questions honestly, and in the beginning of all of this, when everything didn't look good for Timmy, he said "I can see hope when I look into his eyes." I feel like he went the extra mile, and I think more doctors should be like him. Timmy hasn't been in his care since June, but he is still very interested in Timmy. Unlike the doctors at Kaiser, who told us the first day they saw Timmy that we should think about his "long term plan" to put it nicely, but I won't even begin to talk about that.
Anyways I just thought someone might care to know what has been going on, and there it is. I miss my brother, and I always do. Say a prayer for him please. Thank you!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I haven't been by to see Tim for a week now. I always feel like I am letting him down when I don't make it over for a while to see him. I have been sick, otherwise I would be over there today. I hear he is laughing now, and I can't wait to tell him some of our many memories and see if he laughs at them. I miss him so much, and I know he is getting better. I read somewhere that people who are in PVS can smile, but I haven't read anything about laughing. To me, that means that he is coming out of this. It's not like it's involuntary, it's always when someone say something to him that is funny, or asks him to smile for the camera. I know he is there. I have also been told that he is making faces at the tv when the Giants aren't doing very well, which to me means that he is the same ol' Tim! In the picture above he is smiling for the camera, he looks happy in his eyes, like the same happy Timmy. It's the most of the "real Tim" that we have seen for months, so you can imagine what it did to us when we saw it. I cried. I was so happy that I actually cried, I have never had that happen to me before. I miss him so much. I can't wait for the day that he looks at us with recognition and says "hey" I want him to hold his son, he is growing up so fast and Timmy is missing out on it. I want him to have his life back.