Well, today has not been a good day for me. I have been depressed and crying for about four hours now. I can't even explain the way i am feeling, and what triggered it. I think that I have been handling this pretty damn well for someone who has a brother that is here, but not really here. Everytime someone complains about something to me I just want to say "Screw you, why are you laying your problems on me? My brother is fighting to just be able to breath through his mouth, and here you are healthy as a horse using your life to complain." I don't say it, but I wish I would sometimes.
I feel like a crappy sister at this point. I haven't gone to see Timmy for over a week, and I have no reason really. I miss him so much, and I want him back, the same Timmy. My brother who laughs with me, and jokes with me. The one who is always here for me to say the things that can get me through the day. It's just not fair. I know I shouldn't be angry with God, but I don't see how I can't be at this point. Timmy is so loving, and kind, he never hurt anyone. Yet, he is the one who gets this life now? What a joke.
Most days I don't see the point in getting up. I know some people think it's stupid, i mean I KNOW Crystal lost her husband, but i lost my brother. I guess we didn't lose him lose him, he is still here, but we lost the Timmy we all knew and loved. It's not fair. I would take his place any day of the week, I always tell him that if I could donate my brain to him, I would.
I don't really have a point to this blog, mostly i was just thinking about life and decided to let it all out. I hate most things these days. I love Timmy though. I hope is keeps improving, I want to see him. I miss him. I miss his smile, and laugh. The way I buckled him and he fell..lol.. Yeah, I like to live through the wonderful times I have had with him, and pray that there will be more. Thanks for letting me rant to you..